Before I left town last week, I worked Christmas Eve day and Christmas morning. What a breeze it was, overall. Because of the holiday, most of the kids went home for the day, and we only had 3 kids on the unit. Of those that didn't leave, however, was one boy we will call T.
T is a chubby boy with aggression issues at home, but here at the facility he is gentle and polite. He is a little socially awkward, being unaware of the needs of others, but mostly he gets along well with the other (socially inept) children. On Christmas, however, I saw the source of his weirdness.
I answered the doorbell to a short, balding man, with camo cargo pants, an open-collared denim shirt, and a gold chain around his neck. Greasy-looking. His humor was condescending, and his gaze sticky. Regardless, we untie him with his kid, then off they went to a conference room to visit.
After what I thought was the end of the visit, they come back to the common area and just sat...and stared at me. I suggested many activities they could do, but no. T's dad made a conscious effort to make me feel uncomfortable. He said as much. He said a lot of things. "T, you are really fat", "You could afford to go to the gym now and then," "Well, you can't even see your toes". His condescension extended to us staff members. My boss patted the boy on his shoulder and T's father said, "You hitting my kid? You'll have to talk to my lawyer!" He was joking, but it wasn't funny. He kept making comments about how he hoped T didn't turn out like a retard, and how the way he was standing was going to make him look stupid. On and on he went, making rude, sarcastic, patronizing remarks about his son, about staff, etc., making the situation perpetually awkward.
Finally, I told him that the rest of the children would be returning from the gym in a few moments, and if he would like to continue visiting with his son he would need to return to the conference room or go to T's bedroom.
"Oh, you're trying to get rid of me, are you?"
"Not at all, but this is a confidentiality issue and your visit needs to be exclusive to just T."
"Confidentiality? I'm not prodding the kids for information."
"No, but you are not authorized to be around them."
"No, you're just kicking me out. You don't want me here."
"Actually, you are welcome to stay, but your visit just needs to move."
"Fine, fine. Kick me out. I see how it is."
Then, he decided to actually leave. On the way toward the front door, he continued. "Well, thanks for ending my visit early.
"Sir, you are welcome to stay and visit with your son, but you have to simply choose somewhere else to do so than the main room."
"It's fine. You are just kicking me out."
"You know that isn't true, so please stop saying this. Staying or leaving is your choice."
He had the gaul to smile at me. Who does that? This is a VERY VERY condensed version of the things he said to me and T. Did he think he was flirting with me? It was so awkward and weird. Reading it doesn't portray the mood of the moment. Some sort of narcissistic, manipulative, greasy, sarcasm that somehow got a woman to marry him, sleep with him, and produce a child with him. eeeeeeew...
I've thought and thought about this encounter, and it sheds some light on why his son is the way he is. Perhaps his son is so mean and violent toward his mother because his dad is such a prick. Is he displacing his animosity toward his father unto his mother? This child is product of a jerk.
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